How in the hell do you effectively deal with disappointment? I do not mean other people disappointing you because truthfully there is, in my opinion, not a whole lot you can do about that. People are the way they are and if you think you can change that you are way more optimistic than I am. I am talking about disappointment in yourself, even if it may not me justified there are times where we all just feel like we let ourselves down. Now I don’t think it’s a bad thing, I think a little self judgement can be helpful sometimes but sometimes it gets out of hand. Or is just uncalled for. Right now I think I’m in one of those uncalled for stages. If you follow me on facebook you probably saw that I was one of the top 25 semi-finalists for a scholarship competition. This week I found out that unfortunately I did not make it to the top 5 which means I don’t win any scholarship money but I do still get to travel to Philadelphia and attend the shop.org summit for free! Which is a great achievement unto itself as my mom keeps reminding me. But I still cried twice when I found out, called my mom and told her how disappointed I was and how no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t quite find it in myself to be happy for the other girl from my school that did make it to the top five. And believe me I really want to be happy for her, because I know what it took to even get to the top 25 so the amount of work she must have put into it is impressive. My mom reminded me that even though I won’t be getting any scholarship money I still did better than most and I did more than a lot of people by even taking the time to enter the competition. It doesn’t change the fact that now all I can think about are things that I could have tweaked or put a little bit more time into and maybe I would have been able to steal one of those top five spots.
My question today is, how do we not be so hard on ourselves? Because I did the best that I possibly could with the time and resources I had along with going to school and I know that deep down. That still doesn’t change the way I feel. Maybe I’m harder on myself than I should be but I know that we all get this way and I am just trying to find ways to help myself feel better and know that even though someone did better than I did, I still did a good job. I am not looking for praise from other people, that is not at all why I am writing this post, I am honestly looking for a way to forgive myself for not meeting my standards. If I come up with any magical solutions I will be sure to share them with you guys! Until then I hope you all have a fabulous weekend and remember that we are human and we can’t be perfect even though we try.